“BABY DADDY”

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“Baby Daddy”

This article is dedicated to my dad and granddad, Calvin Matthews Jr. and Calvin Matthews Sr. Dad, I appreciate you for everything you’ve taught me. Though I made mistakes and still will, don’t ever feel like you raised me wrong. You did a great job. You have always taken care of me and have never walked out on any of your children. I have never seen you act out of character and because of you, I know how to decipher what a good man is and isn’t. You are the reason I am the woman I am today. I love you dad! Thank you grandpa for the love you showed me while you were here. You were the only grandpa I knew and the best grandpa ever! I will always be “Dani Boone.” I love you grandpa and rest in peace.

Happy fathers day to all of the wonderful fathers out there. You don’t realize how great of an impact you have on our lives daily. Continue to be excellent men and we will always appreciate you for that.

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unnamed-9There’s something that I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older…where are the fathers? And by fathers I don’t mean some guy who simply impregnates a woman & gives her a monthly allowance for the child. No. It’s more to fatherhood then that.

Teenage pregnancy rates have increased. Young men are careless with their bodies & believe in order to prove you’re a man, you must go around sleeping with everything that moves. The world seems to lack morals. Children no longer have respect for adults (nor anyone else for that matter).  Believe it or not, we can contribute this somewhat to the lack of father figures in our communities. Back in the 50s & 60s when divorce was rare, most children grew up in 2 parent households. These children knew what a proper family structure was, which definitely didn’t include a man who just came & went as he pleased. A lot of children now have no examples of what a man is and what a father should be.

It’s baffling the behavior some women will accept from a man. If you know the guy is 20 with 3 other children he already doesn’t take care of, why would you subject yourself to such foolishness & have another baby by him? I see women everyday bashing and complaining about how trifling their baby daddies are. A man just doesn’t become trifling overnight. Don’t fake shocked. You obviously condoned his behavior if you knew his character and still preceded to get pregnant by him. An unfit man is definitely in no position to raise children. If he is in their lives (which is typically rare), he will more then likely teach them how to be unfit as well, and the cycle will continue. Of course as the children grow into adulthood they can choose who they want to be, but don’t subject your child to nonsense. Don’t just settle for a baby daddy. Don’t take the risk of messing up your children’s future all because you couldn’t control yourself for a few minutes of temporary pleasure. Be more responsible then that. A father has a greater impact on a child then some people think.

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A father doesn’t necessarily have to be a man who is blood bound to a child, he can be someone a child looks up to and seeks guidance from. I’m sure everyone knows someone who was not raised by their biological father, yet was taken in by another man who they consider their father. A father must be a man who is capable of nurturing & teaching morals & principles to a child. One thing that burns me up is to see a man raising a child wrongly. Teaching him things like cursing, being disrespectful, and so on. It may be cute and funny at first, but when that child grows up and starts disrespecting you, don’t act like you’re confused on where it came from!

Life is a 2 way street. Women, stop settling for deadbeats and baby daddies. Stop trying to change a man. A baby definitely will not change him and will only make matters worse. Not saying children have never changed some men’s ways, I just wouldn’t want to take the risk. Let a good man be a father to his child. Everyone has made mistakes so don’t hold past mistakes against him. If a man wants to be there and take care of his child, don’t make it so hard for him. There are a lot of men who won’t even claim their children, so consider yourself blessed if a man is willing to step up to the plate and do what he needs to do as a man. Men, stop sleeping with any and everything. Have more morals then that. Just because it looks good to you, doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Consider the consequences before you decide to lie down with a woman unprotected. You risk catching STDS and having a baby being born without proper guidance. Take into account your future. You don’t want to be that guy who wanted to be their for your child but couldn’t because of disagreements between you and the mother. Let’s stop making excuses on how we got pregnant. It’s 2014. It’s so much birth control out there that getting pregnant on accident is virtually impossible. Be responsible. If you aren’t ready for children, use protection or remain abstinent.

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If more men would step up and be fathers to children, I believe we would see a drastic change in society. The crime rates, early pregnancy rates, and so many other things would decrease. A woman is powerful but it takes strong men to lead and be the head in order for things to really fall in place. Men, learn to be more then just a baby daddy. Be a father. It will be well worth it.

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Author: Danie.M ~ Contributing editor